My husband and I recently went to an “Old World Wine
Tasting” brought to us by a local restaurant and liquor store. The point of this was to get us drunk and get
us to buy their crappy wine by the case.
The wine was paired with food. We
received a total of seven wine/food pairings.
Of course, there wasn’t much food, but there was a healthy quarter
bottle in each glass, so we had to take a cab home.
They gave us a piece of paper with the type of wine, name of
wine, price of the wine (ha!), where the wine was from and the food it was
paired with. My husband (who for the
last 3 years has spent a week each year w/ a self-proclaimed “Wine Snob” who is
working on getting her Sommelier’s license) decided that we should judge it and
write down our opinions and thoughts, al la John Cleese’s wine for the
confused” and see where that takes us.
As follows are our highly esteemed, semi-sober, opinions. (yes, I’m drinking crappy cheap wine while
I’m typing this up… it’s meh wine, but
it’s consistent; it’s consistently the same and it’s consistently on sale at
9.99 a bottle. So, all typo’s, flights
of fancy, and nonsensical meanderings should be attributed to the booze. However, it’s up to you to figure out what
drunken thoughts I’m transcribing, and what thought’s I’m drunkenly
transcribing)
(Husband wrote at the top of the page: Roughly Half”)
(I wrote at the top of the page: 60’s
10 bottles)
Wine: Lunetta
Type: Prosecco
Location: Italy
Price: 114.72/Case,
10.66 bottle
Food: Served with
Stuffed mushrooms
Husband: “Unclean!!!”
Would be good with coat what??
And brea dip. Can’t piss (gripes were
good) Netalie. Nnooooooooooo. Overall tasted like cheap champagne.
Me: Pre-grape-e’.
First sip ok, bit of apple. Later
drank grapes good. Ewww, wet sandpaper . I don’t like.
Bitler. It for the same reason I
don’t like green apples. Overwhelming on
the palate.
Wine: New Harbor
Type: Sauvignon Blanc
Location: New Zealand
Price: 126./Case,
12.08/Bottle
Food: Served with hot spinach salad with bacon vinaigrette
dressing
Husband: Ok, very
acidic “Lacking” Grapefruit (bleh!) Makes me think of Galaxy Quest
Me: Light
Fruity. Smells Funny. Reminds me of something. What? Don’t
remember. No front of tongue taste. Explodes in back. Passion fruit!!! Grapefruit in background. Yuck.
Wouldn’t pay money for it, but if it were poured for me, I would drink
it.
Wine: Duck Pond
Type: Pinot Noir
Location: Willamette Valley, Oregon
Price: 198.62/Case, 17.66/Bottle
Food: Old World cabbage soup
Husband: Makes me
think of “War of the Roses”
Peppery. Soup brings out the
acidity
Me:Mellowshell not
sure if I meant mellows well, or mellow shell Warm, Full front, slight acid
back. After soup: sharper in front, fuller in back. Some sort of Mullet of the Wine World
Wine: Trapiche Oak
Type: Malbec
Location: Argentina
Price: 107.68/Case,
9.57/Bottle
Food: served with
cheese stuffed ravioli with a red and white sauce
Husband: Makes me
think of ‘Deep Rising”. Just keeps
getting worse. Made me gay. Good pairing.
Got Wife under the table. I have no recollection of this event…
Me: Dry, slightly
bitter. The pretentions of a cab I’m sure I meant Cabernet with the smack
you in the face of a Merlot. I dropped
my pen. Oh, well, it’s nice to know that even while several glasses in I know enough
to protect my honor.
Wine: Camp Veijo
Rioja Reserve
Type: Tempranello
Location: Spain
Price: 140.75/Case, 13.16/Bottle
Food: Served with a
slow cooked chicken and vegetables with a red sauce
Husband: Reminds me of and Rockey in a
corner. Spicy. The Crying Game. In the words of Gordon Ramsey “What’s this
shit?!?”
Me: Wet, Spicy, want
to smoke. Sour base. I am not the word poet Husband is
Wine: Grand Marnier
Type: Liqueur
Location: France
Price: 36.51/Bottle
Food: Served with Chocolate orange truffle cake
Husband: Too strong
for sipping. Con Air
Me: Smells scary,
like a mix of burnt orange peel and my high school English teacher. Racing fuel.
Evaporates on my tongue. Oh, God,
no! I can’t finish it, even for Science. Or some future blog… I should start up my blog again…
Wine: Cockburn
Type: Tawney Port
Location: Portuguese
Price: 147.68/Case, 12.82/Bottle
Food: Served with
Coffee
Husband:28 Days Later, Nearly vomited. A fine line between cough syrup and
death. Couldn’t keep her hands outta my
lap I don’t know what he’s talking about
here…
Me: Sweet, smells like
cherries, syrup and flouuuuuuur… but not
consistency. I needed a spoon for the
stirring of the coffee! I’m hoping this means that I dropped my
spoon in his lap, and not that I had other plans for his lap and my coffee
