Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Man Flowers

I have long thought that it wasn’t fair that guys had to buy women flowers and gifts like: jewelry, chocolate or lingerie (although that last one could be argued that they are actually buying themselves a gift…) I also don’t like the advertising campaigns that suggest that if an appropriate enough gift is offered we (female half of the race/gift recipient portion of the population) may deign to have sex with or kiss the gift bearer. Which… ok. I’m not a traditional gal. Most of you who have read me long enough to know that. But, seriously?!?
I don’t understand my female coworkers who say things like, “he’d better be buying me flowers” because he’s in so much trouble that only something that costs him a bunch of money will right the wrong that I’m feeling etc etc and “Oh, my husband didn’t do anything for me for ___ I’m so sad and/or upset at him…” My response is: What did you do for him for ___? And I wish I could just say: Did you buy him flowers for Valentine’s day?
But guys don’t want flowers for Valentine’s day. No, really. I’ve offered. And my husband doesn’t want jewelry. I’m not sure on the Chocolate one, however. I tried to find Cadbury Easter Eggs for him, but the store was sold out. (I know he loves those… next year I’ll just buy them as soon as I see them, horde them for a few weeks, and then put them in a heart shaped box. I know he’d like that. SEE?!?! See how easy it is to do something romantic for a guy!?! You have to think about it a little more, but then don’t you want him to think about you a bit more than just grabbing the first flowers he can find at the gas station?)
At any rate, Man Flowers. That is what this post is about.
Well, let’s look at girl flowers. They are amazing. They can mean like, a brazillion different things depending on which types you get. They can also mean like, a brazillion different things depending on the color, too. They can be shared. They can be delivered. That is such a happy feeling seeing someone walk through a door w/ a bunch of flowers, and then hearing your name called out. (And that adds in the bonus of everyone seeing and acknowledging that your other half thought about you enough to get you something) They can also be brought home yourself. (which gets you bonus points on walking in the door with them “hidden” behind your back and you get to see the happy on their faces) They can be shared (Well, the smell, visual can be shared)
After doing a VERY informal poll, I have come to the conclusion that the equivalent to girl flowers is Man Flowers or “Pizza” as I like to call it. I’ll work in random order w/ my aforementioned points. Pizza can be shared. With your Other Half in a romantic dinner kinda way after bringing it home and seeing the happy look on their face… or shared with their coworkers after a pizza is unexpectedly delivered. (imagine how happy they’d be if a pizza were delivered to their work, already paid for, just a few min before lunch time when they thought that they had forgotten their lunch at home…) And so the missing part is: They can mean different things depending on the type. So I’ve come up with a list (roughly… very VERY roughly) paralleling the Meanings of the Colors of Roses. (Feel free to come up w/ your own list. And, if you are wondering about the card or note, just write up a card and bring it with you when you go to the pizza place that will be delivering the pizza to order it. Put the card in a zip lock baggie, first though… just a thought) So – My List:

The Love Language of Pizza

Red Sauce – Is red like romantic Valentine’s Day so it stands for Romance.
Cheese – The goodness that holds everything together.
Pepperoni – Passion – the spiciness that makes us interesting
Mushrooms – Friendship – you know, says you’re a “fungi”
Olives – True Love – (when you mouth the words “Olive Juice” it looks like you’re saying “I Love You”
Anchovies – Lets break up

There are also combinations:
Sausage and Hamburger – the Longevity of a relationship – through rich (can afford sausage) and Poor (when you have to buy Hamburger instead)

Also, Beer. Beer is another type of Guy Flowers. You can buy it singly or by the dozen or half dozen. I’m sure you could come up with meanings for the different flavors, but I don’t like beer. At all. And so I’m coming up blank. (I guess there’s that joke about Coors Lite being like sex in a canoe – fucking close to water… but I’m not sure that it would work as a language of love… ooh! Ok, never mind. In the Love Language of Beer – Coors Lite is Lust. HA! But except for that, I’m coming up empty) So I’m just going to prove my love by walking in the door tonight w/ a 6 pack of one of the kinds he likes the most. (One of them is seasonal, and I’m not sure if it’s the right season anymore) Either way. It shows that I think about him, and I care about him. And I know what kind of things he likes. Oh, however, unlike Pizza, it’s probably harder to have it delivered. And if your Other works for any form of government or in a school district or any place that they could lose their job (armed forces/airport/any “real” jobs or whatever) don’t even try!