Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Trials and tribulations of travel

There are those who think I’m strange… They are all right. However, in my defense, I got it via my family.
The following is an actual conversation I had with a third party regarding an interaction with my family in the week before I went on a trip south.
My mission: to bring down quilting squares that my mother sent me (these would be for my brother’s daughter’s (Red’s) birth… did I mention she’s 1.5 years old at this point? I was supposed to embroider them with something unique to myself and my husband (and another one that my daughter was supposed to do… the difference being that she got hers done) and then Ducky and grandma are going to piece them together, and Red will have a lovely blanket.
My other Mission: Bring an antique children’s rocking chair that has been in my family for oh so many years and that goes to whoever has the baby. It came to Alaska when my baby was born (almost 13 years ago!) and has sat in storage for the last 10 years. During that time the wood dried and one armrest popped out of socket (I still can’t find it) and a seam in the seat split. So now I’m terrified that it’s going to break beyond repair before I can foist it off on my brother.
I should take this moment to just state that my mother is known as Ducky to her grandchildren… more than that is for another post, though…
Here’s my conversation:

Me: My family… I can’t tell if they rock or if they suck.
3rd: Yes
Me: Mom tells me to bring the quilt squares. Brother tells me that he’s been instructed not to pick me up from the airport if I don’t have them.
3rd: Rock
Me: I tell him I can only find one of the two squares. He says he’ll pick me up anyway… and then just tell mom that I lied to him.
3rd: Hee! Rock.
Me: I call Brother and tell him I’m bringing the rocker. And that the rocker has broken, does he know someone who can fix it. He says yes. I get home and the rocker doesn’t fit in the box. I call Alaska Airlines and they tell me that they will probably break it in transit if I just tie the flight info to it. So I make an executive decision and e-mail my mom that I’ll fix the rocker up here and then ship it south. This is the e-mail I get back:
“Great. Great great. Brother wins the bet, but I’ll help you with the cost of the rocker. I guess you can’t call it Baby’s car seat, huh? Oh well. Just get here, scrap what you need to.

Me: And I’m all… “Wait… y’all are betting on me on this?!?!?!” and she sends:
“Just on whether or not the rocker comes. Since it was a deliberate choice not to bring it maybe he doesn’t win. He thought you would forget it.”

3rd: Your family definitely rocks.

Monday, October 8, 2012


I dreamed a friend of mine, R (who has moved away, and wasn’t actually THAT friend, but had certain aspects of her), and I were hiding out in someone’s living room, because we had just tried to drown her sister (who was absolutely NOT her actual in real life sisters) who was an evil witch. But we hadn’t drowned her, she used one last spell to cut off her own head and used her tongue to swim away. While we were hiding in the living room, between the coffee table and the couch, R admitted that her sister had whispered something after she was supposed to have been dead, or her final words, or something. And that was the first few words of the movie Dune, (Or, really, read the books) then “18” and so R knew that her Evil witch sister was alive, because if you watch the 18 hour version of the movie Dune, then you know that the person who was supposed to have been dead was actually alive. (I’m not sure if this is true in real life, but in my dream it was the equivalent of the song “Last Dance w/ Mary Jane” music video when Kim Bassinger opens her eyes at the end when she’s under water.
So then, we were… Helping her? Dunno, but we were in this car and this guy was driving it. And he went around the corners up the Dump Hill road (a very steep and curvy road) so fast! And at the top was a castle. And there was this guy there who I have liked for quite a while, B. (He, also, had moved away) and he saw our car doors open and he came running down from the castle and he jumped in on my guy’s lap and since we were going so fast, he had to throw himself in so he’s lying flat down. So then he laughs and does this whole humping motion. And he has a cheroot or something in his mouth and he’s just really hyper and really laughing and just way more animated than he ever really is in real life, so I accuse him of being on something (The car has now come to a stop.) The guy who’s lap he’s humping, M, laughs and then does this spanking smacking motion and knocks him out of the car.
The car starts up again and we drive off down the curvy hill going so fast. The doors haven’t even closed and B is trying to squirm his way in, and we’re going so fast that I’m hanging onto the door and the frame and my body is just flying out of the car, like centrifugal force.
We get to wherever we’re going, and we’re trying to decide to watch the 16 or the 18 hour version of Dune b/c the meaning changes w/ which one you watch. And B comes over and is all sexy sexy and, while I still like him, my feelings were really hurt, because I knew he had been in town for 3 months and hadn’t bothered to contact me (and I hate the feeling that I’m not constantly on someone’s mind… If we have a Thing, I really need you to be as hot and bothered as I am, or at the least, be thinking of me a bunch and wanting to be with me, because a once in a while booty call, while fun, is not a role I really want to play)
And then some other things happened, and we ended going off on some Epic Quest to go and find the 18 hour version of Dune because it was really rare… (Obviously it’s now been awhile since I”ve woken up and I don’t really remember the rest of the stuff… overall, a very strange dream)