Wednesday, August 11, 2010

YouTube Paranoia

So I just asked a friend:“Hey, am I a bad person if---“
Friend: Yes
Me: , no listen
F: no, you are.
M: ok, so if a friend of mine is going to the hospital for day surgery, and needs a ride home and I give her a ride home
M: and I bring a video camera with me?
F: oh? That? No. That’s fine. That’s expected, even.

so, sweet! she goes in tomorrow, gets out after lunch. Video should be up in time for dinner!

Friday, August 6, 2010

Phone conversation at my work

Me: Home health and Hospice, this is Carena...
unknown: Hey, little girl, want some candy?
Me: Yay! I love candy!
unknown: I need you to do me a favor...
Me: Yay! I love favors!!
unknown: ... or drinks... should I offer to buy you a drink?
Me: Yay! I love drinks!!
unknown: ...hrm... or maybe just buy you a drink and put a candy bar in it...?
Me: Yay! I love candy and I love drinks, so Yay!
unknown: Ok, I need you to fax me xyz list
Me: Yay! I love faxing
unknown: do you need my fax number?
Me: Yay! I love information!
unknown: do you even know who this is?
Me: Yay! I love mysteries!!
Unknown: this is Jamie
Me: Yay! I love Jamie!!!

Thursday, August 5, 2010

The day of the grossness... you have been warned!

My day started off innocently enough. I'd been bringing the new puppy in to work w/ me, because, only weighing 8 lbs, he couldn't hold his bladder for extended periods of time, so I put him in a travel kennel and left him in my car. Because it was winter I kept a blanket in there and he was pretty happy. I just would take him on a 15 min walk twice a day and a 30 min walk once. (coinciding w/ smoke breaks and lunch breaks.)

I had a meeting planned w/ 2 other people, and because one of them didn't show up and the other was Turtle, we went outside for an outside meeting (read: outside having a smoke break, talking about work stuffs like we would have anyway.

So we let the dog out of the box and played around w/ him while we were talking about work. Well, the little shit made a beeline straight for this used condom (that he had found like 3 days prior, and chewed on, and I grabbed it out and tossed it (I thought) far away, and then he had found the prev day, but then it wsa kinda crackly b/c it had dried out (eewww! they dry out? yeah. I know!)

Well, he grabbed that damn, old, kinda crackly condom and ran away from us. I didn't have him on a leash b/c we would go to a less used part of the parking lot, and he was more timid back then and wasn't prone to wandering far. So we cornered him and I pried his little jaws open, and I thrust my fingers into his gaping maw full of razor sharp puppy teeth to go after a used condom (I was thinking of all the lovely diseases I was going to get if he nicked me w/ those teeth) and the condom was gone.

yeah. totally gone. He swallowed it.

A bit of drama later, I called the vet and the vet said to give him hydrogen peroxide, 2 tablespoons every 30 min until he pukes it up. Luckily for me, Mouse has a pattern, and so I let him into the office where he darts for a corner where I have a hidden container of water. Well, the nurse has a container of water. She's a dog person. She also has slippers and toys and bones and treats, just in case a 4 legged friend comes to visit. So he darts for the water, but I've secretly replaced it w/ H2O2, and the poor dumb schmuck drinks it all up. After less than 30 sec, he starts this wierd burping thing, and I put his leash on, and we go out for walkies.

The whole way up the hill he is bounding and jumping and having a wonderful time b/c this is the longest he's been out of the box all day. We are up the hill and about to go around the corner (we're going to walk the long block because that is approximatly a 20 min stroll.)

We get about 10 feet up around the corner and he suddenly stops and looks at me w/ this look on his face, all "Mom? I dont' feel so good." then out of no where it's all: BLEARGHKPF!!!! and this huge mass of foamy white like slides out of him, and there is the condom in the middle of it all. and I'm just, "so gross" And then he takes two steps and starts the heaving... and then I'm all. yep, I can't deal w/ this, so when he's done (ewww!) we turn right around and we'll do the short block, and we cross the street, and he starts heaving and I start thinking about it. He stops heaving and I start... then I puked. Then we go a bit further down the block and he goes into the grass out of the way and pukes a bit more, and it's all foamy bile, and stringy so it is still attached to his muzzle. And so, of course, I puke again. Then we continue walking. He puked a few more times. I stopped watching and tried not to hear it.

Then we got about a block w/ no incident, so I put him back in the box, and 20 min later went out and offered him water. He drank it.

He was all subdued, though. That made me sad.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010


ok, so the other night when my husband came to bed he said I was sitting up. (Which is strange, but isn't the strangest thing I've ever done in my sleep)

He asked me what I was doing and I mumbled something that included the word "Zombie" and then I rolled over and bit my pillow and then started to snore.

(THIS could be the strangest thing I've ever done in my sleep...)