Monday, January 28, 2013

Today in the News...

I heard the funniest clip on the radio this morning.  “The Ubuntu people are dancing in the streets as the French has liberated their city.  The French army is poised and ready to invade Timbuktu.”

Seriously?!?  Like, did no one in the radio editing office or whatever listen to this clip and say, “nope, WAY too many things that are potentially hilarious about this”

First to my head is:  isn’t Ubuntu an operating system or software or something like that?  So then I get a vision of all of these software nerds, like all dancing around Napoleon Dynamite style:

(and, as the pictures TOTALLY show, I believe Linux nerds can be hot and Napoleon Dynamite can be cool…)

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The next thought on my list is “What?  France invaded something??  And is winning???  (Sorry, France, but I cut my teeth on the “and just to be on the safe side, France surrenders” meme.)

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And then my thoughts run to Timbuktu as this sort of mythical place (this time, blame my mother!  We’d always joke about re-route things through Timbuktu.)  So, in my mind, it doesn’t have the legitimacy as, say, London, or even the Arctic Circle.  (we learned about the Arctic Circle in Science class…  my Geography teacher may have mentioned Timbuktu once in passing…)

But, I swear, I know Timbuktu exists!!!

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 Ok…  but until this blog post, I probably couldn’t have told you that it was in Africa…

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Wine Snob Take 1

My husband and I recently went to an “Old World Wine Tasting” brought to us by a local restaurant and liquor store.  The point of this was to get us drunk and get us to buy their crappy wine by the case.  The wine was paired with food.  We received a total of seven wine/food pairings.  Of course, there wasn’t much food, but there was a healthy quarter bottle in each glass, so we had to take a cab home.
They gave us a piece of paper with the type of wine, name of wine, price of the wine (ha!), where the wine was from and the food it was paired with.  My husband (who for the last 3 years has spent a week each year w/ a self-proclaimed “Wine Snob” who is working on getting her Sommelier’s license) decided that we should judge it and write down our opinions and thoughts, al la John Cleese’s wine for the confused” and see where that takes us.  As follows are our highly esteemed, semi-sober, opinions.  (yes, I’m drinking crappy cheap wine while I’m typing this up…  it’s meh wine, but it’s consistent; it’s consistently the same and it’s consistently on sale at 9.99 a bottle.  So, all typo’s, flights of fancy, and nonsensical meanderings should be attributed to the booze.  However, it’s up to you to figure out what drunken thoughts I’m transcribing, and what thought’s I’m drunkenly transcribing)

(Husband wrote at the top of the page:  Roughly Half”)
(I wrote at the top of the page:  60’s  10 bottles)

Wine:  Lunetta
Type: Prosecco
Location: Italy
Price:  114.72/Case, 10.66 bottle
Food:  Served with Stuffed mushrooms
Husband: “Unclean!!!”  Would be good with coat what?? And brea dip.  Can’t piss (gripes were good)  Netalie.  Nnooooooooooo.  Overall tasted like cheap champagne.
Me: Pre-grape-e’.  First sip ok, bit of apple.  Later drank  grapes good.  Ewww, wet sandpaper .  I don’t like.  Bitler.  It for the same reason I don’t like green apples.  Overwhelming on the palate.

Wine: New Harbor
Type: Sauvignon Blanc
Location: New Zealand
Price:  126./Case, 12.08/Bottle
Food: Served with hot spinach salad with bacon vinaigrette dressing
Husband:  Ok, very acidic  “Lacking”  Grapefruit (bleh!)  Makes me think of Galaxy Quest
Me:  Light Fruity.  Smells Funny.  Reminds me of something.  What?  Don’t remember.  No front of tongue taste.  Explodes in back.  Passion fruit!!!  Grapefruit in background.  Yuck.  Wouldn’t pay money for it, but if it were poured for me, I would drink it.

Wine:  Duck Pond
Type:   Pinot Noir
Location: Willamette Valley, Oregon
Price: 198.62/Case, 17.66/Bottle
Food:   Old World cabbage soup
Husband:  Makes me think of “War of the Roses”  Peppery.  Soup brings out the acidity
Me:Mellowshell not sure if I meant mellows well, or mellow shell Warm, Full front, slight acid back.  After soup:  sharper in front, fuller in back.  Some sort of Mullet of the Wine World

Wine:  Trapiche Oak
Type:   Malbec
Location:  Argentina
Price:  107.68/Case, 9.57/Bottle
Food:  served with cheese stuffed ravioli with a red and white sauce
Husband:  Makes me think of ‘Deep Rising”.  Just keeps getting worse.  Made me gay.  Good pairing.  Got Wife under the table.  I have no recollection of this event…
Me:  Dry, slightly bitter.  The pretentions of a cab I’m sure I meant Cabernet with the smack you in the face of a Merlot.  I dropped my pen.  Oh, well, it’s nice to know that even while several glasses in I know enough to protect my honor.

Wine:  Camp Veijo Rioja Reserve
Type:   Tempranello
Location:   Spain
Price: 140.75/Case, 13.16/Bottle
Food:  Served with a slow cooked chicken and vegetables with a red sauce
Husband: Reminds me of and Rockey in a corner.  Spicy.  The Crying Game.  In the words of Gordon Ramsey “What’s this shit?!?”
Me:  Wet, Spicy, want to smoke.  Sour base.  I am not the word poet Husband is

Wine:  Grand Marnier
Type:   Liqueur
Location:   France
Price: 36.51/Bottle
Food: Served with Chocolate orange truffle cake
Husband:  Too strong for sipping.  Con Air
Me:  Smells scary, like a mix of burnt orange peel and my high school English teacher.  Racing fuel.  Evaporates on my tongue.  Oh, God, no!  I can’t finish it, even for Science.  Or some future blog…  I should start up my blog again…

Wine:  Cockburn
Type:   Tawney Port
Location:   Portuguese
Price: 147.68/Case, 12.82/Bottle
Food:   Served with Coffee
Husband:28 Days Later, Nearly vomited.  A fine line between cough syrup and death.  Couldn’t keep her hands outta my lap I don’t know what he’s talking about here…
Me:  Sweet, smells like cherries, syrup and flouuuuuuur…  but not consistency.  I needed a spoon for the stirring of the coffee!  I’m hoping this means that I dropped my spoon in his lap, and not that I had other plans for his lap and my coffee