Friday, February 20, 2009

Originally Posted Sunday, April 29, 2007 Nice coat, lots of pocket room

So, I went and bought this anime fairy kite for Baby and my mom and I to go fly. We went out to Ward Lake and had a lot of fun. We must have been out there in the cold weather for an hour or 2.

The nice thing about my mom staying for the week is that it's just nice to have her around. We think so much alike and we find ourselves saying the exact same thing at the exact same time to Baby. It's funny.

The down side is that it's weird having her in the house. I can't smoke, and I feel odd about not praying over meals, or going to church. Things that are commonplace in her house (not the smoking, lol that's a big NO!)

Apparently there's something wrong w/ me, however. We went to Wally World, yesterday, and mom and I were making plans to make a heat shield to help insulate the windows. Mom was even going to buy me a sewing machine ('cause mine is possessed by the Devil and only sews backwards), except when we were 98% of the way done... Hubby, one item at a time, changed everything, so that suddenly. We were picking up see through panels to just hang, and there was going to be no sewing, and I'm looking at paint swatches to figure out what color to paint the house, and he's telling me to just pick a color, and then we'll match it w/ the full 5 piece curtains we're going to buy (and suddenly I'm not making anything) and mom says something about how if we find an item to build around, (example a throw pillow w/ flowers) you can get the trim from that color and the walls from that color, and the couches from this color, and blankets from t hat bit) and we're totally re-decorating the house, when all I wanted was a simple sewing project w/ my mom. So, (granted it was abruptly) I announced that I was done, and I wasn't going to make another decision. (oh, and he ushered us out of the craft shop 'cause they helped put us out of business by selling miniatures, so I guess I'm not allowed to take classes there?) and he kept pressing why, and I announced that if we weren't done that I was going to throw a hissy... and then I started crying. Mom tactfully went to the bathroom, and I tried to explain how suddenly I felt so overwhelmingly pressured, and I know he doesn't get it, and he even said he doesn't get it.

I'm not sure I get it.

I guess an argument could be made that I didn't get to do what I wanted, so I was more upset that I realized. Or that I don't want to commit to doing something so ... permanent (does that mean I have commitment issues?) Or... who knows? he's saying we'll pick the paint, and I just froze and didn't want to play anymore. That's all I know.

maybe I'll pick a color later... maybe. or maybe I just need him to leave the house for a week or 3 and let me see how I want it. That may be best. I can't even get the house to stay clean long enough to get used to having a kitchen table for anything, much less decide what color should go behind it.


sometimes I think I just need a break. I don't know if it's my anti-socialism coming out, but I need more time to myself. Yet, to add a tang of Yang to it... Whenever I have time to myself, and I"m by myself... that's when I need him around me the most.

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